We don’t get to define what love is for anyone but ourselves

The other day I finally got round to watching Suicide Squad (I know, I am so behind). So many great things about the movie, but what stood out for me was the relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn. I say this because, watching them caused me to have a revelation of sorts.

Some of you may think I’m strange for saying this, but I thought Joker and Harley Quinn’s relationship was beautiful in its on warped way. In all the crazy of their twisted relationship, the love between them was undeniable. It shows when Joker went through such lengths just to be with Harley. When Harley mourned Joker’s death. The two of them frolicking in a tank of acid, totally emersed with each other. Their love exists in a world only the two of them exist in, where others are excluded. It’s a twisted love, something that is out of the ordinary, something that we are not used to. So we condemn in. Not out of fear, but as a reaction to a kind of love that we don’t understand.

So this got me thinking, we are so progressive and accepting as millenials, but for some reason we can’t seem to accept love that is different to what we know. What makes us think that sister wives like Taz’s Angel’s aren’t actually in a loving relationship with Taz? Is it because of the lack of monogamy? Why are we so quick to label these women as products of daddy issues, who don’t love themselves? What if a polyamourous relationship is just a projection of what love means to them? Why do we always feel like there is something to be gained when a younger woman dates a much older man? Is it because we would never engage in that sort of a relationship, so we can’t see the existence of love in it? Should we chastise Usain Bolt’s girlfriend for remaining by his side, even after he publicly cheated on her, multiple times? An open relationship could be what works for her, so why do we have a problem with it?

Unfortunately, we don’t get to define what love is for anyone but ourselves. We don’t get to decide where love exists or does not, just because we may not understand the dynamic of a certain relationship. We don’t get to decide what everyone’s love should look like, simply because it is our idea of what an acceptable type of love is. Love is contextual. Love is personally defined. Love if different wherever you go. My idea of love, will (and should)  not look like yours. And that is perfectly okay.


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